Baby It's Cold Outside

Tuesday, 13 December 2011


As the nights grow darker and the weather takes a turn for the Baltic many of my single sisters will be on the prowl for a 'Winter Boyfriend' to keep them warm of a night. But not me. Oh no not me. Don't get me wrong I love nothing more than playing little spoon and falling a-kip snuggled into a mountain of man rug (aka chest hair) however nothing, and I mean nothing, satisfies me more than a long night of deep, unbridled sleep. Oh the joys of not being disturbed by thunderous snores, not turning over to be met with hot, sticky sleep breath, not pretending to be comatose while being relentlessly jabbed in the back with 'it' and mercifully not waking to find him intoxicated, pissing up his bedroom door - oh yes it happened.

Subsequent to my 2 years sans man-friend I can confidently proclaim that I, Lolli Mahon, have perfected the single girl bedtime routine and being the gracious, charitable soul that I am I have decided to share it with you... You're welcome.


STEP 1:

I don't know about you but after a taxing day at the office/pub/Westfield the first thing I want to do when I set foot inside my crib is unwind with a nice, warm bubble bath. Being fortunate enough to work for a premium British beauty brand (no prizes for guessing which one) means that I have access to a bounty of sumptuous pampering products and my first pick was this bad boy - Molton Brown's Cedrus Bathing Infusion. Pour this luxurious blend of Moroccan Cedrus Tree, Bulgarian Lavendar and Evening Primrose oils, notorious for promoting relaxation and aiding good rest, under warm running water and wait somewhat impatiently for the tub to fill. The heady aroma alone is enough to send you slipping off to slumbersville and I promise by the time you sink your weary bones into the velvety bath water you'll be feeling calmer than a Dalai Lama. 


STEP 2:
Us females know the importance of laying down the landscape for lurrrrrve and when it comes to catching forty the same rules apply, in the words of American Pie's band geek Michelle "you need to pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey". If like me you have a younger sister who insists on spritzing her hair with every conceivable volumising product known to man your bedroom may smell more OAP hairdresser than temple of tranquillity. Nothing sets the scene for a snooze like a scented candle so leave one to burn while you indulge in your lavender infused bath. My current candle of choice is the seductively aromatic Molton Brown's Firefly Embers Candela which will leave your room engulfed in the fragrance of log fires. Dreamy.


STEP 3:

Now when I say the words 'Electric Blanket' for most of you it will probably conjure up images of widowed elderly folk with plaid throws and a solitary pet budgie called Fred, right? WRONG. At first when my dear old Dad returned home proffering a 'leckie blanket I was mortified at his blatant mockery of my spinsterism, however, one cold Sunday eve whilst making up my bed with freshly-washed linens curiosity got the better of me and I popped it under my bottom sheet. OH. MY. LORD. Twas definitely one of the best life decisions I have ever made. Turn it on full-whack approximately one hour before you hit the sack and, well basically you know that moment when you hop into a toasty bath, close your eyes and start to drop off? That. Minus the pruned fingers and possibility of drowning. Yep.


STEP 4:

You're bathed and ready to moisturise before slipping into your PJ's - but hold on a ruddy minute - you could be missing a trick here. Instead of slathering your bod in the bog standard Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion you have grown to know and love give this little treat a try. Also part of Molton Brown's Remedies: Sleep range is this lush Cedrus Body Oil which I apply to my forearms, around my chest and shoulders to encourage a sleepy head. The Sweet Florida Orange and Olive oils are absorbed easily, locking in moisture and making your skin feel silky smooth without a greasy residue. It's almost a shame that as a singleton I don't have somebody to rub it in for me. Wink wink.


STEP 5:

As if you haven't spoiled yourself enough already check the clock because it's that glorious time of night, that's right, it's 'me time'. Whether you fancy surfing ASOS for that must have purchase, painting your nails, flicking through a magazine or like me relishing in the fact that I don't have to squabble with a fella over the MOTD/Desperate Scousewives clash (winning) one thing is vital. 'Me time' must ALWAYS be undertaken whilst wearing a onesie. Fact. It's essentially a babygrow for adults and the ultimate in comfort. So you can sling your Slanket and instead become one with your onesie! PLUS, what else could make teddy-bear feet look this awesome?


STEP 6:
Talking of teddy-bears, cast your minds back to when you were a small fry and snuggled up with bear bear or blankie you'd fall into one of those eternal sleeps in which you would slay a dragon or Barbie would finally marry Ken. At the ripe old age of 26 I have to confess that this childhood ritual remains strong and I struggle to sleep as soundly without nuzzling into the fur of this little guy - ladies & gents meet Mr Hello Bear. Whether under arm or chin I think there is something to be said for the comfort this little guy provides, he is the perfect sleeping companion AND he doesn't answer back, not that I talk to inanimate objects or anything *cough*. So grab that grubby old Care Bear you have secretly stashed away and give it a squeeze safe in the knowledge that he will not complain if you dribble on him or subject you to a Dutch oven. Yuck.


- La Fin -


So if you are not out for the count and snoring away by now you should at best be chillaxed to the max, fighting to keep your eyes open in an environment that reeks of tranquillity (if you have not at least achieved this you can't have been doing it right). All that's left for you to do is blow out your candle, slip under your cosy warm duvet (told you electric blankets are the nuts), close your eyes and.... 


*whispers* night night.

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