Sale Away With Me Honey

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Unless you have made like an Ostrich and buried your head in the sand and/or are from Mars it would be difficult to miss that sale time is upon us. The whole country is slashing its prices (but unfortunately not the tax) and boy don’t we know it with every store window smeared in red signage, inboxes bursting with emails screeching bargains at us and tubes bustling with tourists heaving countless bags of sale steals back to their Earls’ Court hotels. As much as I loves me a bargain, and I do, it is for these reasons and many more that I simply cannot abide the sale shopping experience, in fact I detest it. Those brave enough to take to the mean high streets of the UK will be met with snarls,  an elbow to the gut or, as recent repulsive events would suggest, a knife to the heart for attempting to get their paws on that pair of trainers (don’t even get me started!). And as for those savvy souls who opt for bagging a bargain online, ha ha too slow! You know that coat you had your eye on for well over 2 months? It sold out in your size at approximately 00.00.01 seconds after the sale launched on Boxing Day. This year however, was different. I must have had sale seraphim on my shoulder as not only did I manage to get my hands on some ruddy stylish sale swag, I managed to obtain it all with minimal effort, stress or fuss. Don't believe me? Well here’s how it all went down...

River Island Metallic A-Line Shift Dress - Sale Price £20

Christmas Eve sat on my lappy and drinking mulled wine (standard) I absent-mindedly found myself perusing the River Island sale. Clicking into the dresses section I spied the black metallic a-line number I’d had my eye on for my trip to LA in April and before I knew it I was picturing myself rolling though a Coachella after-party rocking this dress, gladiator sandals, statement necklace, sunkissed skin and red lippie - natch. I snapped out of my daydream sharpish, for a measly £20 the elusive size 6 was bound to have been snapped up as soon as the sale went live, but then a miracle happened, oh yes, they only had my bloomin’ size in stock didn’t they! *add to basket*.

Mulberry Mitzy Messenger - Sale Price £325

After watching the chilling and vile scenes at Oxford Street on Boxing Day from the safety of my humble abode the last thing I wanted to do was venture into the consumer combat zone of Westfield, or as it’s been affectionately dubbed Stressfield, in search of bargainous booty. Lo and behold at 8am on Tuesday morning my Marge rolls into my room inviting me along with herself and Parge to do just that, reticent to spend another day as a hermit eating cold meats and glued to the TV I agreed and at 9am I found myself stood in an eerily empty Westfield. Now I don’t know what prompted me but I left the parental unit to scuttle off to Next and instead headed toward The Village, and in particular Mulberry. I had toyed with the idea of treating myself to my first ever investment bag since I started my new role as a reward for all of the hard graft I have put in over the years but had never actually gone through with it, until I saw her, Mitzy. Pebbled black leather, Mulberry embossed rivets and feminine slouchy soft lines, she was beautiful and she would have to be mine. By 11.30am I was sat on my sofa with eyes bright, smile wide, debit card wheezing and the mesmerising Mitzy happily bouncing on my knee. J’adore.

Disney Couture Pearl Minnie Studs - Sale Price £20

Unlike the majority of the country tucked up in their beds at 7.40am on Wednesday I was 10 minutes into my commute to work with a face that can be described in three words: Pit-Bull. Chewing. Wasp. After struggling through the reporting and next week’s email deployment schedules it was soon lunchtime and what better way to spend that precious half hour than at your desk, munching a bowl of Saino’s Chicken Balti meal soup and scrolling through Twitter. Being one of those folk what loves a bit of TOWIE I am unashamed to say that I follow most of the cast and my eye was caught by the gorgeous Samantha Faiers tweeting about the 50% sale at her store Minnie’s Boutique. I double-clicked my way onto the website and to my glorious surprise discovered the cute as fooooook Disney Couture Minnie Mouse studs I had a soft spot for reduced to 20 squids. Sold.

Zara Bird Print Shirt - Sale Price £22.99

That brings us right up to this very day, about an 2 hours ago in fact, when my internet decided it would prefer to crawl along at a snail’s pace and I decided that I might be able to fix this by clearing my cookies and ridiculous amount of bookmarks. Twas here that I found my most recent sale steal tucked away between the Feminist Ryan Gosling blog and the Gigs & Tours page for Drake at the O2 (which I got tickets for because I'm such a BAWSE). It was a bird print shirt I had seen in Zara and just had to have for my pal’s birthday bash in Camden but, in a typical Lolli stylee, had forgotten all about as soon as a lacy alternative fluttered it’s hemline at me. Before deleting it into deepest, darkest cyberspace I opened up the link and ta daaa, my size was still available with a cheeky £7 knocked off the price, it would have been awfully unladylike of me to stand this little beaut up for a second time and so into my online shopping basket it went. I am super excited for our first hot date in Dalston next week where I’ll be getting her right involved in a little three way action with my high-waisted Levi shorts and black leather Converse - Saucy. 

So there you have it folks, proof that sale shopping really shouldn't damage your mind, body and soul nearly as much as it damages your bank balance. My advice to you all is simple, have the same approach to sale shopping as you do to finding Mr Right - don't focus your all of your time on hunting down the ultimate sale saving instead sit back, relax and enjoy yourself and let it find you! Lets face it, otherwise you'll only end up taking something random home to feel satisfied and wake up the next morning sans sale goggles immediately regretting your decision and unable to take it back. Word.

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